I'm not sure what it is but I always find these last few years that the month is a hard one for me. I know a lot of it is coming down from my racing high that I have after racing so much. Could also be the change of the seasons, less seeing my race friends. But also this time my friend Pam passed away after a lengthy battle with Cancer. I am doing better about it now but at first it was hard. She would be upset if she knew I was carrying on this pity party too long so I am working on getting my butt back into gear, going to eat better (which I had started already) and going back into a better routine working out. I have new goals for next year... less races but more challenging ones. By challenging ones I mean longer ones. I have to force myself to get out there and tackle these as I want to be more successful
then just going out to do my best and finishing. I mean don't get me wrong finishing one will be just as awesome but I want to push myself and finish better.
I saw what I could do this past year and its shown me lots of amazing things.... things I was scared to do and try. I am not scared of racing solo in a Spartan now. I know when push comes to shove I can pull off more obstacles on my own then I thought I could do or gave myself credit for. I love racing with friends too so it's hard to choose. Racing with my son is an awesome thing as well and watching him conqure his own things has been so amazing. Seeing how he has changed from his first race to how he ended his spartans was so neat. Being there his whole spartan journey and getting his first trifecta was pretty awesome. Watching him come up with his own goals and seeing him work hard towards it too. I am pretty proud of that kid and seeing the young man he is turning into. He also has been having a very successful sports career on his school teams... Flag footaball their school went undefeated and with Volleyball the boys team went undefeated as well. He also loves playing up this year in competetive soccer on a U16 team. So looking forward to seeing him continue to be successful in whatever he chooses to do while in school and in life.
Since my last race in October I have been battling despression... it's been hard. I get invited out to things but cancel last minute for numerous reasons. Mostly I have been so exhausted and tired. Needing a break and it turned out to hiding out at home. I got out the odd time but mostly kept to myself. I wouldn't respond to people when they texted and felt not too engaged in life. Then throw in a friend passing away and well things went more downhill. Also going thru an unknown what to do with my life faze. I can't decide what I need to do to find that balance that I used to have but don't have anymore. But I know people mean well when they try and cheer you up but some of the things they said just don't help people who are depressed... least not with me anyways. We know we have tons of people that care about us and we know we are lucky to have what we have. Sometimes it is just nice for someone to say they understand and you go ahead and feel what you need to feel. It would be nice to have someone sit with you and not say a word but let you talk if you want. Sometimes it's hard but we will eventually crawl ourselves out of the hole we dug ourselves into. Sometimes it can happen sooner and other times like this case eneded up being about a month. There is no ryhm or reason why we feel what we do... we just do.
With the last month that's been going on I am really looking forward to 2017. I am going to keep on my path and challenging myself with new goals. I am going to rest more and help my body recover better. Also take time to enjoy life as well with fewer races. Maybe during that journey I will find the balace I'm looking for and find peace with a few more things. Maybe come up with some solutions that have been plaguing me. I am just glad that my son is on a happier path now and is feeling stable in life after all that we have been thru. We both continue to grow and learn. After all life is about finding your own path and making the best of your time here, making memories and being just a good person.
I can't believe Christmas is almost here. I am never ready but I am especially worse this year. So on that note I want to wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Hope all your dreams, wishes and goals come true!
Until next time...
I am a single mom with one son that has been living with asthma since I was 2yrs old. I also almost died three times due to severe asthma attacks! I don't let my asthma stop me from accomplishing new goals and living life to the fullest.
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