Almost end of the year...

I know I said I would write more and went a little MIA but after my last post my life took a drastic turn to extreme stress and busyness. Oh don't worry I've kept up on the workouts but trying to juggle things has been crazy.

I have discovered a few things about myself though and had some major ups and some major downs. You see I also battle depression. I have for the last 17ish yrs. For the most part it's been under control. But this year we've been up and down so many times that it feels like a roller coaster. I have discovered that it shows up when I'm extremely stressed. I now see the pattern. So now it's just a matter of recognizing the symptoms first and trying to stop it earlier before it snowballs.

Plus also on top of all that I was going thru race separation anxiety or something like that. Lol I missed racing and going out and pushing myself. The workouts finally started to counteract that a bit but I was sad I didn't have races to go to. This is all new to me so I am always learning about myself. We don't grow if we don't discover new things and keep moving forward.

I sometimes I feel like I ramble on here at times and I'm sure I do but you know what it's just me being 100% me. I am unique. Lol Plus this post has taken me a week to write it but these posts and opinions are mine and no one else's. I have my opinions and you have yours and that's what makes the world great. 

I am getting really close to my divorce and will be happy when that stress is gone. I gave up on the online dating thing and you know what when I canceled my account I felt so free and calm. I was getting tired of guys saying they were interested but never actually meeting me or wanting a booty call.  Guys can be jerks like women can but really why do people have to lie about themselves... you know you eventually need to meet the person and when they see you will be completely shocked your pictures and what you actually look like don't match in no way. Did meet a few great guys that are friends now so it wasn't a complete waste.

**So a rant in a way is coming on and I warn you..... BUT I think the message I am trying to get across is a good one so I hope you will read it but will understand if you don't and skip to the bottom.**

I feel that this electronic era is ruining relationships and friendships. I miss that human interaction, the phone calls and hanging out. I'm tired of texts, messages and even my blog post sometimes get taken the wrong way when it was never my intentions. I am slowly weening myself away from them and only going on when I want to post something. I have found people have two lives. Their online FB looks like life is great but deep down things are pure crappy. People could be really struggling in the background but no one checks on them. We lost how to spend time with people. How to contact people if we haven't heard from them. Picking up the phone to talk because a text is still hiding and the other person can fake their happiness. I guess what I am saying is I really miss the human interaction in person or over the phone. When you loose it you feel so isolated and alone and that everyone is moving and living life and you have just stopped. People need to stop being so self centered and open their eyes to those around them... Me included in this too. I'm guilty of this as well. They say a touch or a hug can help cut down depression and anxiety... I have found out a phone call and some tough love is all I need to help me swing back up from a dark and gloomy place. Depression sucks and we loose too many amazing people because of it. Its not easy asking for help or reaching out cause you feel like a bother when everyone around you is so busy.

What brought this on is that a childhood friend of mine passed away on the 27th, she's the same age as me. It was so sudden and we all are shocked by it all. She was a caring loving person that was full of life. She will be greatly missed by everyone who knew her. Life is a precious gift and those people around us make the journey worthwhile. They help you grow and make memories. Everyone has something to offer the world and the world will be left with a hole you once occupied and brought amazing stuff to it.

OK I'm done the mini rant now. Just a message I felt the need to get out. So in other news.... like I said before I am trying to keep my workouts going despite feeling like things are not progressing like I want and seem to be going opposite ways. But I am hanging in and trying new ways to get it back on track. I know my eating has slipped off and the stress on top has added to that fact. My lungs are doing great but will find out with my first winter race on Saturday at the Santa Shuffle. Its only a 5k so I should be ok and will have my inhaler with me. Then that night I am off to my works Christmas Party and yes I will be looking like a girl and not a workout girl anymore. lol Although I wish we could wear our workout clothes and runners but a dress and heels... yes heels will be it instead. So a little about me... I am not very graceful when it comes to wearing them. I feel like a giraffe walking on ice. It may look like that to. So if your in the area you might want t be in the area for the show. ha-ha

I write my exam in a week and I am taking time off at Christmas for a much needed rest. Wish I could say my son and I are taking off to somewhere tropical to veg out and majorly de-stress but a week will be in Montana and seeing what cool stuff we discover in the winter time there. The other week will just wing it. So will try to write one more blog post before the year is up and reflect on the past year.... can't believe it went by so fast.

SOOOO I am also looking for a new Spartan Racing partner for 2015. I plan on registering for them in the new year. If you want to be it let me know! Also looking for a crazy person to run a relay half marathon on a mountain in September 2015. We each run one of the halfs. I want to do it badly but don't think I can run the whole thing yet. :)

So right now I want to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and hope you all have an amazing New Year!!

So until next time...

My new awesome athlete hoodie!!

Studying with the Spartan hoodie. :)

My yummy and tasty smoothies I make. Look gross but taste delish! Also add in extra blueberries to help the lungs out.

I love to cuddle and miss that most about a relationship.