When you can rest, take it...

i was going to post a usual post like I have been and I have one that I started ages ago, but a lot of things have happened in my life. I’m not sure where this post will go but it will be coming straight from my heart.

Before the August long weekend we lost an amazing lady that was my Step Grandmother. She was 107 and half years old. I wish I was able to spend more time with her as I loved hearing about her stories.

With starting the month of August that way there were some downs, some ups and downs. Got a couple hikes in which are always good for my soul. Did take the boyfriend away for a golfing weekend in Kimberly B.C. and it was a really great time. The forest fire smoke was bad again and I ended up in emergency. Also saw the lung specialist and we did more testing. She is trying to to find the route cause of my flair ups and getting more blood work done. Also have a lump in my right arm that got looked at finally and now I wait for a surgery date. Could be anywhere between now and 6 months. It’s causing nerve pain and has been hard with racing and working out.

It’s been a hard month, one that I am glad is gone despite some of the good that happened. I know I say this a lot that I am extremely grateful for those in my life. But I really am, I know who had my back and who doesn’t. I get to be the real 100% me and I don’t apologize for being me. I make mistakes and try to do what’s best.

I have had to make an extremely hard choice, one that I have known I was going to have to make eventually but not one I wanted to make. Our amazing Dog Dually turned 16 on May 28th. This past year she has been slowly having issues walking, started to loose her hearing and going blind. Evening of August 15th she had a stroke. August 16th we had the hard choice to have her put down. My son and I were there and my amazing boyfriend came down to be with us during it all. He was our rock and I will never be able to express the gratitude I have for him in doing that. Was the worst choice I’ve had to make but we were there for her until the end. We couldn’t not be there when they did it.

Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love, they depart to teach us about loss.

I know as time goes on it will get easier but right now I have good moments and sad ones. She was the most amazing best friend we have ever had and is greatly missed. 💕 💕

I feel like I have been rambling. I have so many thoughts in my head I am struggling to get them all out.

Been feeling frustrated with life lately, things that I can’t control are driving me nuts. I know it will happen when it’s ready but come on we are so ready for change. This is coming from someone who hates change... your thinking ya no you should be ok with it. But I have my moments. My son and I are so ready for the next steps in our lives and I feel like I’m stuck right now. My son started Grade 10 and turned 15. September is always a crazy busy month for us. We got a new realtor and really hope our house sells soon. We even have a new place picked out that we are waiting to put an offer in with the builder. I got to meet the boyfriends family this month and tried to not embarrass him too much at it. They were a lot of fun! They might not ask me back after it but it was fun. Lol Just me being the real dorky me! I turned older this month too. This week actually. Yup older and I’m in a funk from it. But my funk is brought on by so much in my life and nothing is budging to give me relief. I am trying to stop worrying and being annoyed at things. But I can only take so much but when it keeps going on and you see the same annoying shit that you can’t control it makes me so done. Like why should I care if they don’t. If they get away with it then why do I care and bust my ass for nothing. I feel like I want to run away from it all and hide. Just like I would do as a kid growing up. I would be busy playing and peopling and then say fuck this I need a break and avoid everyone for a couple of days. Mind you I didn’t say that. That one time I told my mom she was stupid but that was a hard lesson I learned back then. Lol But anyways my point is... well what is my point again? Oh right my point is adulting is hard and it sucks and I can’t run away. But I will always be me, be open and honest and live life to the fullest that I can at the time. Life is too short to not be you, embrace being you, you know the real you. Only the real people in your life will love you for you being you. Those are the only ones that matter, no one else. If they don’t like you it’s not your fucking problem it’s theirs. So stop worrying about it, stop being a people pleasure, and one I am learning is to stop caring so much about something when others don’t. You can’t do it all and your mental stability doesn’t need that added stress. Just do you! Just do what you can! Some days say Fuck It!!

So ya that is where I am at. Trying to run, trying to race and just trying to get the shit figured out in my head. Show the people in your life how much they mean to you. It doesn’t take much, a note, a card on a special occasion, a hug, simple words. You don’t need a ton of money to do it but it’s the thought behind that small gesture that means a lot. Knowing that someone took the time and that they care.

On that note I leave you. I won’t promise to write more blog posts but will post when I can.

Until then...

My parents new puppy Harley

My son and I had birthdays this month!

Boyfriend and I ran a 10k race

At his families Wedding. We clean up pretty nice!! lol

RIP Dually May 28,2002 to August 16, 2018