i know I could come up with a better title and with some extra thought I know I probably could. But seriously have been trying to write a post for months but I can’t get my thoughts out correctly. I go on a bit of a ramble (I know nothing new there) and end up deleting the whole thing and starting fresh. Life has been super crazy. Races were a plenty as well as my health took a turn for the worse. So if you can’t beat them join them right.
As I am writing this I don’t even know where to begin. I was smart with the title though saying it was part 1. Then I don’t have to bore you all with a long assed winded post. As I lay here in bed right now I am trying to figure out why am I going thru this shit. If it’s not one obstacle it’s another and why so much at once too. I mean I know I am a fighter and dam strong but seriously enough with testing me or pushing me to overcome some things. I get it I need to believe in myself more, fine I know I need to make lifestyle changes, yup working on it, and I know I need to stop the pitty party for one, that one is harder but I am working on it. I get so bloody frustrated with things and how badly I want to do something that when I have these things tossed into my life it makes me mad and frustrated. I know this year is all about finding my path and getting back into something that I can accomplish and feel better about myself. I have really amazing and great people in my life that I am lucky to know and support me in whatever I do. I am scared shitless of making a massive move for my son and I. Making sure I find the right place, making sure he gets into the school he wants, make sure he has what he needs to be successful in school and home life. I want him to be happier, more friends and more independent. I want to see him continue onto great and amazing things. He has lots of great goals and I love seeing him go after what he wants. My Dog will be 16yrs old on May 28th is starting to show her age, going blind and deaf, having some joint issues. So its getting to that point where I will need to make that hard choice to stop things for her. She isn't in tons of pain and is still moving but more slowly. It's a major hard choice, she was my first baby until the boy came along. The boy and her are extremely close as well. So that is always on my mind.
There are a few people I care about and I worry about them and what they are going thru. Wishing I could do way more to help them. But knowing they too need to go thru things on their own as well. Feeling helpless is hard but just trying to be there when they need someone to talk to does help. I am happy and content right now and can only give so much of myself away at this time. I need to concentrate on myself as well and not put myself aside. The old me would have but I can still do both and know I am helping in one way or the other. That is a huge thing for me. I know this year I have become more body aware of what’s going on inside me, not only in my health but my mental health as well. I am feeling more mature in my handling different situations and being more accepting of others. As a friend texted me the other day they said this “ I love that you accept him for who he is. The same way you accepted me... You are a beautiful person to see ones inner beauty” and yes my bff made me cry reading that. Everyone comes from a complicated past and everyone is different and unique. I will stand up for myself and I will walk away from something that isn’t making me happy and I know I can handle most things that come my way. We can’t get thru life on our own and sometimes we need someone to just be there to help us. Asking for help and admitting to what’s going on is the hardest steps to starting to overcome any life challenges. I just want to be the person that my friends and family can come to and be able to open up to me. To know that they can trust me enough, to know they are not being judged and I will be open and honest back with them.
So this part 1 is going differently then I thought. But as you know I am open and honest about my life. The good, the bad and the ugly! Lol My asthma has me scared again. Trying to figure out what it’s trying to tell me right now. So it flared up at a point in my life that I was feeling like I was stuck in vicious circle. I’ve gained weight from life/work stress, trying to find my workout mojo, wanting to run faster races and train harder, but lack of energy and emotional eating got me to where I am today. The good news is I am back on the eating plan. I am eating less junk food, drinking less pop and alcohol (new pills I am on for my asthma I can’t drink), walking more since I can’t run right now, and you know what I am feeling better. My insides are happier, I am adding in more workouts that are easier to just get back into it. Body weight exercises to start to work my way back up to weight lifting again. Gotta start somewhere. My asthma will settle down again and when it does I can keep kicking butt and moving up. I’ve already lost some weight in the first few weeks which isn’t much but will take it. I have noticed a few things change with my body and again will take anything. It’s not a fast process but least it’s in the right direction. A forward direction rather than a horrible circle of self pity.
I was going to talk about my races and more of my asthma. Well let’s just say that I had a personal best race last month that I am blown away and super proud of. I have had some good races and some bad ones. But still a finished race! Always a learning curve and just when you think you have it figured out BOOM 💥 a curve ball comes in and make life interesting.
So now you have to wait till part 2.... can’t you handle the wait?? I promise it won’t take me as long to get the next one out.
Until next time...
PS I am a new Brand Ambassador for Madera Outdoor, they have awesome products and the best tree hammocks around. Will post more in Products I Love Page but here is a quick link to order yours from here: bit.ly/2GfUh3O I shortened it so it’s easier to follow. I need to get my new hammock out hiking and get some pics of it. You won’t be disappointed. Check it out!
Food Porn... yup some of the amazing food I am cooking up!
I am a single mom with one son that has been living with asthma since I was 2yrs old. I also almost died three times due to severe asthma attacks! I don't let my asthma stop me from accomplishing new goals and living life to the fullest.
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