Pardon for the pun but it truly does. If you have been following along you know my training hasn't been going so well due to my asthma. Well it has finally reared its ugly head and put a stop to me completely this week. My asthma has been well controlled for sometime and my training was coming along really well. But I thought I got a cold and well it was just my asthma bothering me in a new way that I haven't experienced before. I was sick or so I thought in Edmonton at soccer provincials but I was just having issues breathing. It got so bad that on Tuesday this week I got my Dad to drive me into the hospital in Calgary and well they never let me go home until Wednesday.

I was thankful that I decided to stay and let them admit me to the hospital as it turned out I had several asthma attacks all night every couple hours apart. My asthma is extremely worse at night. They put me on prednisone to work with my lungs and while being there they also gave me a new lung specialist. She is going to work with me and see what my triggers were for this to happen. Personally I think it was a few things that built up. I have been very stressed lately and I know when I get even the slightest stressed right now I can bring on an asthma attack pretty quick. I have to keep my lungs calm, life calm and rest a ton. I know that word is so foreign to me. I am not doing so well at it but I am listening to my body. I am trying to anyways. It's a great thing I started working on that aspect of things a while ago. Lol head start now!! Haha

All those drugs they pumped into me and I keep taking give me the shakes. When you can't breathe it takes everything your body has to try and keep those lungs going. Takes SO much energy out of you. You feel like you've aged a hundred years. Plus you don't feel like eating much either which again doesn't help the situation. If you talk lots you start coughing and when you cough lots you can bring on an asthma attack. It's a vicious circle.

While I was alone in the isolated makeshift hospital room I was left in (which later grateful I was) I felt scared. Not just a little scared I was really scared. I thought that after all this hard work of increasing my lung capacity and exercising again my lungs really won. This was how I was going to die. I got thru it twice before when I almost died when I was younger but thought nope it's caught back up to me and this could be it. What did I do to piss them off this much. But now I know that it was just a combination of things in my life that set them off. Not one thing triggered them but they got to the point that they just basically said "F@ck You we are done"!

You see my life has gone thru some major changes in the new year. All good things and I knew it was coming but my introverted extrovert personality wasn't no matter how hard I tried to help it. I don't like changes in my life. I have been learning to adapt to them and I know change happens. But this has been a lot of change and with change it brought new issues to deal with up. Even though I am now coping better when dealing with change it still doesn't make things any easier. Wow I basically just talked that one into a massive circle. lol I was making it thru it and thought I was on the out again and things were coming into plan. Least so I thought and like the normal pattern of my new life something always pops in and throws me for a loop. We'll this time it thru my health into it and this time something major about my health.

I won't be taking this very lightly as I know I need to listen to the professionals in my life. I know I said I was going to start taking yoga up well it's a done deal now and I will be going to a class on a regular basis now (once my strength is back 100%) I also want to take some other classes or do more reasearch on chest opening and getting proper posture. I want to learn more breathing type ways to help my asthma and keep things more open. Sure the drugs are helping now but I don't want to rely on them to help me. If I can do more on my own so the drugs I do need to take will work better. The more I can do to help myself the more I will feel in control of my life again. I don't like loosing control like that and being confined to a hospital room.

I was starting to feel sorry for myself and getting all pouty about how poor me and my crappy life and my crappy lungs. But I am not that and I don't need to react that way. I needed to change my thinking about it. I am not the old me who would do that. Not anymore and I needed to pick myself up with whatever little strength I could muster up and start looking at this differently. My last blog post was proof I was already starting to come to this thinking but I needed a major wake up call. Well I get it loud and clear OK!! I finally get it! I need to make changes and I need to figure out how to make those changes. Changes are scary and your worried if your going to sink or swim. But sometimes you just gotta grab life by the horns and go for it. Sure you might fail but you also just might also succeed and it might turn out better then you ever imagined. Your life is what you make it!!

I need to have this thinking when dating... How will I have a chance to meet someone new If I don't get out there and keep putting myself out there. One day it will click and it will show my why all the others didn't work for me. But I can't be worried about others hidden agenda and can't put people in the same category when I haven't gotten to know them well enough. You need to start out as friends and let things happen. If it does great and of not maybe you get a new friend out of it. I have a ton of respect to those guys that chose other ways but that felt they could be honest with me and let me know why. I hope they see a friend in me cause they are cool guys. I wish them well in their life and future relationships even if they can't be with me. No hard feelings from me at all. The ones that had no respect and just stopped talking to me and disappeared I have no respect for. I wouldn't want my son to be like you and I wouldn't what you as a roll model for him. I want my son to grow up being respectful of everyone he comes across in his life and to the women he will have relationships with. He needs to be open and honest about his feelings towards others even if they might hurt the other person. But I can tell you that I rather be hurt with the truth then have that person disappear or not respond back and always wonder why.

I am slowly feeling better now that I stopped taking prednisone. That drug used to react badly with me when I was younger and now I remember why I hated taking it. It really messes your system up and the side effects are way worse then then what it does to help. So will take this next week resting lots and taking things easier. Listening to my body will be key and getting back to normal will be a priority. My health is the most important thing I need to worry about.

Will keep you updated and until next time...

"Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated" ~ Confucius

I am learning to keep my thoughts more focused and not so scattered. It's hard and something I constantly battle with. Always learning to tackle the things I can change one by one. The ones that I can't I am learning to let go and not let bother me. Navigating life always has its challenges and learning lessons along the way but I feel like I am growing more as a person as time goes on.

Now that soccer provincials are over this weekend I am taking up yoga and work on learning that practice. I feel like it's the last piece of the puzzle and will help me move and think better. I am also looking at taking some courses this year in the fitness world so I can help others out there. I keep going back to it and it must be what I am to do. I am going to focus my races and not do them all next year. I know I keep saying that but one of these years I will follow thru on it. lol That's another work in progress. Lol

I am freaking excited to be heading back to Seattle April 22nd to do the Spartan Super on the 23rd. I fell in love with Seattle when we were there in October plus I loved the race course. Just my son and I are going on this adventure so will be fun. I am racing alone so will see what I can do and if you see me out there I will always gladly take help at an obstacle, your always welcome to join me and as always say HI!! Lol

I start racing season on March 19th doing a 5 mile along the Bow River in Calgary with my son. Will be a good test to see how my lungs are doing. I've only been able to get up to 5km and I hope I do better. So send me luck that day as I am going to need it. I am attempting 4 races in three weeks. I know I am crazy! lol My training is still sucking butt thanks to my awesome asthma... still no luck with running and to top it all off I am battling a chest cold.

I am pretty happy that the indoor soccer season is done. It was a challenging one with a multitude of difficulties that when the concerns were brought up it didn't help. I am hopeful that outdoor will be smoother, more fun and my son will learn more skills. My sons team went to Edmonton to play the soccer provincials. The two games on Saturday they lost but the game they played today they won 4-0 and played the best they ever had.

Well on that note I will update you and let you know how my first race of the season goes this coming weekend. Send me healing and good luck vibes as I am going to need it. 

Until next time...